Why Women Orgasm More Alone Than With a Partner

While it may seem obvious, a sexual partner’s skills remain one of the top perceived reasons for women reaching, or not reaching, orgasm during partnered sexual activity. When women were asked for the reasons they experience orgasms more frequently either with a partner or without (i.e., alone), both groups mentioned their partner’s skill—either as a top contributing factor to their orgasms during partnered activity, or as a detractor, and consequently a reason for reaching orgasm more frequently without their partner present.

Key Findings From a New Study on Women's Orgasm Experiences

In a recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, my colleagues at Flo Health and I surveyed 27,931 women using the Flo app about their orgasm experiences and sexual satisfaction. While the paper covers a wide range of topics, one of the most interesting questions in the study asked women not just whether they orgasmed more frequently alone or with their partner, but also their perceived reasons for why they orgasmed more in one context versus the other. Overall, 21 percent of the women sampled indicated that they orgasm more frequently with a partner. In comparison, nearly half the sample (47 percent) indicated that they orgasm more frequently on their own, absent their partner’s presence.

The women were then asked to select the top three reasons they felt explained why they orgasmed more frequently in one context over the other. Of the just over 13,000 women who indicated that they orgasmed more frequently while alone, more than half of them selected “partner doesn’t stimulate me in a way that is adequate to reach orgasm (including body part, foreplay, length of time)” as one of their three reasons. For the smaller group of women who reported more frequently reaching orgasm with their partner, more than two-thirds selected the inverse reason, that their partner did stimulate them in ways that were adequate to reach orgasm.

Unsurprisingly then, women’s orgasms in partnered contexts depend, at least to some extent, on the ability of her partner to adequately stimulate her to orgasm. After several years of research and public health education attempting to guide the sexual partners of women to the X on the map (the clitoris), perhaps what remains more surprising is the study’s finding that vaginal penetration remained the most common sexual activity to be engaged in "every time" a participant had partnered sex. While there are obvious reasons for engaging in vaginal penetration, particularly for heterosexual couples seeking to procreate, outside of that purpose, penile-vaginal intercourse is rated most satisfying by men, not women (Blair et al., 2018) and is less reliably associated with orgasm for women than clitorally focused activities (Blair et al., 2018; Frederick et al., 2018; Herbenick et al., 2018). Coupled with women reporting that one of their primary reasons for orgasming more frequently when alone is their partner’s perceived lack of ability to stimulate them adequately, this suggests that, at least in some couples, too little time and attention may be paid to the types of sexual activities that are most satisfying and orgasm-inducing for women.

Relational and Emotional Factors Influencing Orgasm Frequency

But there’s more to the story. When looking at the other reasons that women selected for why they orgasmed more frequently alone or with a partner, a more nuanced story emerges that may point to potential solutions for closing the "orgasm gap" even further. For example, for the smaller group of women reporting more frequent orgasms with a partner than alone, the most commonly selected reason was the role of emotional connection and intimacy in partnered sex. Additionally, they pointed to attraction to a partner increasing their arousal and pleasure and the role of expressing love for a partner in their own experience of pleasure.

Interestingly, women who reported more frequent orgasms alone also tended to attribute this to factors that can be considered quite relational in nature. For instance, the second most commonly selected response (after partner not providing adequate stimulation) was that, when alone, women didn’t feel pressure to reach orgasm or to perform sexually. Similarly, other top-cited reasons included feeling less self-conscious about their body and feeling more comfortable or safe "letting go" when they were alone. Other relationally oriented reasons selected by this group included their partner orgasming too soon and difficulties in communicating sexual preferences to a partner. In other words, whether women were reporting more frequent orgasms alone or with a partner, the most common reasons hinged on relational factors—presumably factors that are amenable to change in any relationship.

Women's reasons for reaching orgasm more frequently with a partner or alone.

Source: Hewings-Martin et al., (2026) / Archives of Sexual Behavior

Thus, the study adds to the mounting evidence that the orgasm gap between men and women is not a matter of anatomy. In other words, men don’t orgasm more frequently during partnered sex simply because male anatomy is more "inclined" to orgasm than female anatomy.

However, one question the study does raise is whether solo vs. partnered orgasms in women may represent an "apples to oranges" comparison. Interestingly, although more women in the study reported a greater frequency of orgasms when alone versus with a partner, when it came to associations with sexual satisfaction, only orgasm frequency in a partnered context predicted overall sexual satisfaction. Together with the relationally driven reasons that women provided for their orgasm frequency across contexts, this suggests that partnered and solo orgasms may fulfill very different needs for women. Solo orgasms may provide a reliable physiological release under conditions of greater control and autonomy, freed from concerns about judgment or expectations. Partnered orgasms, on the other hand, hold significant relational meaning, providing a means of connection and intimacy. Given the consistently close and reciprocal associations between relationship and sexual satisfaction, it’s not surprising that relationally oriented sexual experiences, such as partnered orgasms, would be associated with overall sexual satisfaction for women.

Factors That Can Improve Women's Orgasm Frequency With Partners

The good news, at least for those who want to orgasm more with a partner, is that women’s orgasms are not limited by their anatomy, and women largely attribute their lack of orgasms in a partnered context to relational factors that can change. Emotional connection, communication efficacy, partner ability, sexual repertoire, body image, and perceptions of expectations and judgment are all factors that can either change or be overcome.

But it’s also important to remember that orgasms do not tell the whole story of sexual satisfaction. In this study, orgasm frequency accounted for only 11 percent of the variation in women’s sexual satisfaction, leaving the vast majority of sexual satisfaction to other contributors. The disconnect is easy to see when orgasm frequency and sexual satisfaction are placed side by side. Among women who described themselves as very dissatisfied with their sex lives, a substantial share was nonetheless reaching orgasm regularly, with roughly one in five (19.5 percent) almost always or always reaching orgasm, and about a third (34 percent) did so more than half the time. The reverse holds as well. Among very satisfied women, not everyone was orgasming reliably, with about one in seven (15 percent) reaching orgasm half the time or less. Put most simply, much more goes into a couple’s sexual satisfaction than just orgasms.

Orgasm Essential Reads

When Orgasms Don’t Feel Good

New Findings Normalize Women's Orgasm Differences

Distributions of Orgasm Frequency by Level of Sexual Satisfaction in Women Over the Past 6 Months

Source: Hewings-Martin et al., (2026) / Archives of Sexual Behavior

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